The emotions of summer break, kids vs. adults
I miss the wonder and awe of not being responsible for anything
Thanks for your patience with my lack of updates here! The kids started summer break June 1, and I have been going non-stop ever since.
Their first week of break, we drove to Missouri from Chicagoland. Matthew and our oldest child, Katherine, had a bike race in Minnesota, so I took Joshua, Estel, Providence, and Iunia with me. First we went to Cameron, MO, where I lived when I was 15, for the 40th birthday party of my friend Rebekah. She and her older sister Rachael have been my friends since we lived there. Our dads went to seminary together and later pastored together in Cameron. Rachael and Rebekah and I have been in an online Mastermind group for almost 10 years, meeting weekly to support each other in personal growth and development.
Rebekah’s party was fun - she rented inflatable games on their family farm. I got to catch up with my friend Tara whom I haven’t seen since my biggest kids were very little.
I took my kids to see my old house, which my parents had patiently renovated the summer before we moved in while my brothers and I swam at the pool every day. That was my first reminder that kids and parents have very different experiences of summer break.
Then Rach and Bekah and their families and I drove down to Silver Dollar City, a late 1800s-themed amusement park in Branson.
We shared condos by the park and went for three days. It was the first time my kids have been able to go to a theme park for more than one day.
I used to go to SDC when I was kid growing up in St. Joseph, MO. My parents would drive the five hours to Branson and make all the arrangements I never even thought about at the time. Hotel rooms or condos just appeared when it was time to sleep. Picnics were always packed in coolers in the car. Tickets were in our hands. And my two younger brothers and I had only to concern ourselves with having fun. We explored with curiosity the artisans blowing glass and blacksmithing and throwing clay. We scampered around the giant playgrounds. We toured Marvel Cave in awe. We screamed in delight when roller coasters dropped and water rides splashed. Then we slept or read in the car while my dad drove home.
My memories of SDC are fond, and I was excited to share that with my kids.
I was probably 17 the last time I was there, and my experience was very different going back for the first time as a parent.
Providence is not a fan of waiting in lines
I packed the suitcases. I loaded the car. I drove. I planned meal and bathroom stops along the way. I shepherded them into and around the park, counting constantly to make sure all four were still in sight. I comforted disappointment when Iunia was too short for some of the rides. I balanced four sets of opinions on what we should do next, over and over again, trying to make sure everyone got to do their preferences. I applied sunscreen. I coordinated meals, trying to get everyone food they liked. I held backpacks and hats. I kept water bottles filled and people hydrated. I reapplied sunscreen.
I realized that parents have a very different emotional experience of summer break than kids.
In a healthy, safe childhood, kids are cared for and their needs are met almost before they notice they have needs. This frees them up to explore the world, venturing out from a place of secure attachment and returning for reassurance that they are protected.
They are free to be curious and full of awe at all the new things they encounter.
A parents’ responsibility is to regulate themselves so they can help their kids co-regulate when their still-forming emotions spike. Parents focus on the logistics of safety and body care and food so that kids can focus on learning. Everything is learning for humans still so new to the world.
The demands of parenting certainly put a damper on my carefree enjoyment of Silver Dollar City. But in its place, I had the new experience of seeing my kids’ enjoyment. Like the first time a toddler is old enough to really understand and anticipate Christmas - their wonder at every new thing is a special kind of enjoyment for a parent.
Watching Iunia experience roller coasters and process her terror and excitement was delightful. Seeing the kids comfort and encourage each other was gratifying - “It’s okay if you’re scared! You don’t have to go on that ride if you don’t want to. But I’ll sit next to you if you want to go.”
It was a different kind of good.
We had a lot of overstimulation and related meltdowns to calm. A lot of negotiation to take turns meeting each person’s wants. And I finally got to do the two things I most wanted to do as well - the cave tour (which the kids fought me on with much whining but finally admitted it was pretty cool afterwards) and getting an old-fashioned tin-type photo in costume with my friends. We did a steampunk theme, and I’ll have to scan it later to share. It’s AMAZING.
The 10-hour drive home pretty much did me in, and we took three solid days of doing nothing to recover. But I’m so glad we did it. I was able to upgrade our tickets to season passes so we can go back later this summer with my brother and sister-in-law.
This past week I spent preparing to lead a study trip with Northern Seminary to Turkey and Greece. I left Sunday morning and I am writing to you now from Izmir (Smyrna). We’re about to leave for Pergamum. I’m hopeful that leading 30 graduate students around Europe will be slightly easier than leading 4 children around Branson. :-)
I’ll try to update every day or two about the trip and what we are learning, so the content might be a bit different over the next couple weeks. Come along for the adventure!