I am five weeks away from finishing the coursework portion of my doctoral program.
This has been my hardest semester yet.
In May, I will shift to dissertation writing, when I can focus full-time on my multidisciplinary project applying current neuroscientific and psychological theories of emotion to understanding emotions in the Gospels.
Wheaton College’s Biblical and Theological Studies PhD program is designed to be completed in about four years, and it’s a hybrid of British-style programs (3 years, dissertation only) and US-style programs (6+ years, which include two years of coursework, a year of studying for comprehensive exams, passing the proposal defense, and then writing for several years). At Wheaton, we defend our dissertation proposals at the end of year 1, so we can actually work on our dissertations during our second year while finishing coursework. And we take our comps near the time of defending our dissertations, so studying for comps and research for dissertation are woven together.
I am glad I won’t be spending 6-9 years on this degree, AND I’m glad for the coursework I’ve had, so this program has been a good fit for me.
It’s still really hard.
This semester, I’m taking two PhD seminars (epistle of Hebrews and Biblical/theological integration), a guided research with my advisor, plus a grad level trauma class in the counseling school.
The counseling class is one of the best classes I’ve ever taken in three degrees.
image by javier trueba on unsplash
Pretty much every week for the past 10 weeks, I have thought, “Whyyyyyy didn’t I start a master’s in counseling two years ago instead of starting a PhD? I would be nearly done with the degree, ready to start my internship and get working! Instead, I have at least two years of research and writing ahead of me. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF.”
I love the class content, it’s immediately applicable to work I’m currently doing, and it helps me understand my own experiences better. The workload is very, very doable. There are no research papers.
(Research papers are, I know, the heart of a PhD program. They make me feel MISERABLE when I am writing them, but I always feel very proud of them afterward.)1
I very much enjoyed the work I did in pastoral care in the Netherlands, and my favorite day of the week right now is Fridays, when I see my emotion coaching clients. I think I would love being a therapist, and I would be a very good one.
I could make a difference for a lot of people one-on-one in their daily lives.
BUT.
The current Christian system that is steeped in bad teaching on emotion would keep churning out hurt humans who would have to keep going to therapy.
One one hand, job security for good therapists!
On the other hand…no good therapist wants that.
I don’t want people to keep getting hurt by teachers they trust telling them to dismiss or shut down their emotions.
I want to make systemic-level change in the way the church talks about emotions, preventing more people from having to go to therapy in the future.
I hate that so many Christians have to spend so much time in therapy because their care providers didn’t teach them healthy approaches to emotion and trauma.
SO.
I am going to keep plugging away at research and writing and earn this degree because I know that my research is really important, and it’s already helping people, and the letters after my name will give me more authority to speak into and change the conversation. And I can train future therapists AND their clients.
I also want to add that I don’t understand the anti-therapy bias in some Christian circles. I sit in class every Monday afternoon with a delightful group of passionate Christians who are receiving excellent clinical and theoretical education—from Christian professors—and are going to make phenomenal licensed therapists soon. They integrate their faith and their learning, and they are going to bless so many people.
Sometimes I wonder if the anti-therapy perspective comes from authoritarian leaders who oppose therapy because it helps people get free from their control…but that is another post for another day.
I enjoy the process of creative writing and essays, but the level of footnoting required in doctoral work is painstaking and unpleasant to me. My advisor keeps promising me that eventually I will have earned the right to write without as many footnotes, and I am LIVING FOR THAT DAY.
Becky, as a therapist, I’m so glad you are doing solid research integrating biblical studies with mental health. I see so many clients confused by bad teaching and judgment (sometimes very internalized) for needing therapy. There are also therapists who need better support understanding how faith should undergird healing modalities, addressing root issues when possible rather than merely relieving symptoms.
Thankfully, there is growing awareness of these things in some spaces, but it’s early days. Your work is so important!
Keep grinding, Becky! Your work and voice are and will be helpful to so many. 👊